


somewhere between sorrow and bliss

by thegeekpatrol



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Best Friends, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Friends to Lovers, Gay Zuko (Avatar), M/M, Romance, Ugh, also i kinda rectconned the spirit world but korra's retconning sins far outweigh my own, i kinda wanted it to be a slow burn but then i was weak, i love these boys, idiots to lovers, tbh im not sure what i'm doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:13:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25132957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegeekpatrol/pseuds/thegeekpatrol
Summary: The war is over and everything is how it should be. Except it's not. Why, after getting exactly what he's wanted, is Zuko so unhappy? So lonely? When the Gaang gets back together, Zuko observes his friends and their places in life. AKA when two lonely boys meet in the forest, things are bound to change.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

somewhere between sorrow and bliss

  
  


The war was won, but it wasn’t over. Though the Firelord was now powerless and replaced, balance between the nations was far from attained. There were councils, peace-talks, laws, and new governments to work through. People were still hurt, and angry. Thousands of lives, homes, and lands had been destroyed. The leaders of each nation were joining as one: building a new order.

And Zuko didn’t want to be part of any of it.

Though it seemed appropriate before the Firelord’s capture, after everything began to settle, both Iroh and Zuko had come to the conclusion that it was not the time for Zuko to become Firelord. It had seemed poetic, ceremonial. But they knew that Zuko hadn’t spent enough time in the royal court to know how to lead a nation, let alone rebuild one. Iroh became the regent ruler, and would be such until Zuko reached the age of 21. He didn’t want the day to come. 

It had been a year since the Fire Lord’s defeat. A year of peace treaties, trade deals, council meetings, and ruling. Zuko had spent that year attentively learning from his uncle. He knew Iroh hated every moment of it. The prince often questioned the universe, asking why a man so good at leading had to despise it. So when the anniversary came, he was excited to see his friends—and spend some time outside of his duties.

The celebration would be held in the Fire Kingdom this year. It seemed fitting. The vibrant land had begun and ended the war. A representative from each kingdom would join together, along with the great heroes. 

The day before the official celebration, Toph, along with Suki and the rest of the Kyoshi Warriors, arrived at the Royal Palace. Zuko and Iroh warmly greeted them at the steps. 

“Master Toph, it is my honor to welcome you to the Fire Nation.” Iroh bowed, “And, the legendary Kyoshi Warriors! Thank you all for joining us.”

Toph and the Kyoshi Warriors returned the bow. “Thanks for having us, Iroh.” Toph smiled. 

Zuko turned to greet Toph but was met with a pulverizing hug of overwhelming strength. Through a crushed windpipe, he managed to get a few words out, “Good to see you, Toph!” 

She relinquished him from the hug, “You too, Zuko!”, she said before affectionately punching him and turning to chat with Iroh. 

“Suki! Tai Lee! How are you guys?” Zuki asked, bowing politely. 

Tai Lee responded eagerly, grabbing his forearms excitedly, “Oh, Zuko, things are just great! We’ve been travelling all over, and I’ve met so many interesting people! The Warriors are just like sisters to me! ...well, except, I actually like them.” She paused for a moment, and her tone shifted, “Zuko… would—would it be alright if I visited Azula?”

He stiffened.  _ Azula _ . It had been a long time since he visited her.. They hadn’t known what to do with her. Iroh had been vehemently against putting her in a prison, and instead opted to keep her in a chamber under the palace, where they would spend months trying to help her. After the search for their mother proved to be fruitless, Zuko tried to see Azula, to mend their relationship. But she had dismissed all gestures of kindness, and refused to speak to him. It seemed that she had lost her will to be herself, or anyone. 

“Of course you can, Tai Lee.” Zuko said, and cleared his throat, “To be honest, I don’t know if she’ll be happy to see you. She hasn’t spoken to any of us in a long time. But maybe a friend will help. I’ll have a guard show you to her.” 

As he sent Tai Lee with a guard, Suki had remained quiet, watching Zuko. He finally noticed the silence. 

“I don’t think I got a chance to hear how you were…” Zuko chuckled.

“I’m doing well. Like Tai Lee said, we’ve been pretty busy travelling.” She said. 

“It must be hard to find time to see Sokka.” Zuko commented. 

Suki stuttered, “O-oh. Um, Sokka and I… we kind of…” she swallowed hard. 

_ They broke up? Why hadn’t Sokka told him?  _

“Oh. I’m sorry, Suki, I didn’t know. He and I, uh... haven’t talked in a while.” Zuko said too quickly. 

She gave a weak smile, “It’s okay. It ended on good terms, and everything. Our lives just got a little too complicated to stay together.”

He nodded, “I understand that.” and let out a sigh, “Well, there’s no need to dwell on that any longer. You’re here to celebrate! Let’s get you and your warriors situated.” 

Toph and the Warriors were led to their respective rooms and by evening, Zuko found himself in the gardens, contemplating the day to come. He hadn’t seen his friends in a long time. They all had such complex lives; And to his vexation, he found himself wishing that they could all just go back to days without all of the new governing, and relationships, and distance. 

As night crept into the sky, Zuko decided that he’d better visit Azula, and see how things went with Tai Lee. He made his way to her chambers, and stood at the door. Maybe Azula, after seeing her friend, had returned to herself, or at least a semblance of herself. He instructed the guards to open the locked door and entered. 

Azula sat on the floor, slowly blinking, her face void of emotion. 

“Tai Lee told me you talked to her. It’s good to hear that.”. No response. “You know, I wish you’d talk to me. I know I’m not as good company, but…” He waited for a reaction. Nothing. 

He continued,“But I understand why.” It felt like something was in his throat, “It’s just… it’s been a year, Azula, and I don’t want to abandon you, or give up on you, but you aren’t giving me  _ anything _ !” 

He knelt next to her, “Uncle says maybe you won’t ever—or that things may never change.” His breath hitched, and his voice felt raw, “But I want them to, Azula. I want you to be back, but as you.You, who isn’t poisoned by father, or by anger.” 

A few tears fell. “I’m lonely, Azula. And I know you are too. I wish we could help each other.” 

He left without another word. 

It was just after sunrise before he could sleep. He woke at a knock on his door. 

He groaned, “What is it?”

A clicking sounded and Zuko heard his door open.“Um… your uncle wanted someone to grab you, and I thought I’d stop by. You know… say hello?” 

Zuko froze. He recognized that voice. Young, bright. “Aang.” He rolled over to confirm it. The boy stood in the doorway, awkwardly, a crooked grin on his face. 

He hopped out of bed to greet him, barely holding his ground as Aang tackled him in a hug. 

“It’s good to see you, buddy!” Aang said. 

Zuko chuckled and returned the hug, “You too, Aang.”

Zuko stepped back and inspected the young avatar. “Damn, you’re getting tall!” he observed. The boy had grown in the past year, and was almost as tall as him. 

“Yeah, I keep getting that... I’m just glad I’m finally taller than Katara!” Aang chuckled. “Anyways, everyone’s here. I’d better let you get ready—I think Sokka might die if we don’t start the feast soon. Or at least  _ he _ thinks he will.” They shared a laugh and Aang left to let Zuko get dressed. 

The banquet was long and full of speeches and toasts. It was good to see everyone. Katara and Aang were cheerful and warm as ever, Toph surprisingly sweet, and Sokka… At first glance, Sokka seemed like his normal self. But there was something about his laugh. It sounded like it always did—if a bit deeper—but his eyes betrayed him. There was something so amiss about them; they were hardened, sharp. His gaze cut right through Zuko, reducing him to startling silence. If anything was evident, it was that Sokka was no longer the untroubled boy Zuko knew and wrote to months ago. 

Iroh was the picture of confidence, power, and compassion. Zuko watched him. The man was tired. He hid it well, but Zuko knew. It racked him with guilt, watching him lead better than he ever would, and hating it just as much. 

Zuko tried to take his mind off of it all. He watched the fireworks with anticipation. He danced with Katara and Toph—well, with Toph, it was more like shuffling—over the course of the night. And as it got late, everyone drifted to their rooms, tired from the energetic celebration of the day. Zuko knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep, and found himself drawn past the gates of the palace, past the city walls, to the forest. 

He’d changed to his street clothes. The warm summer wind swept through the light cloth, and glowed against his skin. As he stepped carefully through the forest, it seemed to swallow him up, darkening behind him. The song of the forest guided him through, lulling him to its center. Zuko knew he couldn’t turn back; he wouldn’t know where to go. 

At the center was a clearing that boasted a bright, quiet fire. A figure sat at the fire, their back to Zuko. As he got closer, he could make out more of the features: A man, broad-shouldered, tall, his head low. Zuko hesitantly lit a flame and approached slowly. The man’s face was obscured by a sheet of hair. He took another step and the man abruptly turned to meet him with his sharp eyes. 

“Sokka.” Zuko said, though it was more like a question. 

Sokka’s eyes softened. “Zuko?” 

Zuko chuckled, “I didn’t even recognize you. What with your hair down, and…”, He paused, “What’re you doing here?” 

Sokka ran his hands through his hair. He looked tired, like he hadn’t slept in a while. 

“Well, I was having a hard time sleeping, and—wait what are  _ you _ doing here?” Sokka asked, like they had run into each other at the market, like it was a funny, harmless coincidence.

Zuko knew he was deflecting, and he shot back at him with sarcasm, “Taking a stroll. Come on, Sokka, why are you in the middle of the forest on a night you should be celebrating with your friends? I’m a loner, so it’s expected of me to isolate myself, but you’re the… the friendly, quippy guy,” Zuko’s eyes expressed concern, “What’s going on?” 

Sokka sighed and looked into the fire, “I know this is gonna sound stupid, but it was like I was…  _ drawn _ here. Like I needed to come.” He looked down. “Y’know, things haven’t been so great lately. But as I walked through here, I—I forgot everything, I could just  _ breathe _ .” 

Zuko nodded, “I like to come to the forest on nights like this, when no one will notice my absence. I’m not sure why, but I feel connected to the spirits here. Maybe that’s why you were drawn here. Maybe the spirits are calling to you.” 

Sokka let out a bitter snort, “The spirits have never wanted much to do with me. I don’t know what they’d want with me now. It’s not like I’m a ben—” He stopped, and closed his eyes, “—like I have a connection to them.” 

Zuko sat next to Sokka and watched as the shell of his friend stared into the fire. As he poured his emptiness into it, and watched it burn into the night sky. What could he say? What could he do, but watch? Finally, he turned his body to face him. 

He avoided Sokka’s eyes, “You know, after Mai and I broke up, it felt like everything had fallen to shit. You and Suki might—” 

“It’s  _ not _ Suki.” Sokka cut him off. “I mean… sure, that’s part of it, but that’s not what this is. We couldn’t be together realistically, without one of us sacrificing ourselves, and I’ve accepted that. That’s not…” 

He sighed. It was an exhausted sigh, drained.

“I’ve been fighting for so long. You know, Fire Nation attacks when I was just little… and then it was  _ ‘Protect the village. Protect Katara’ _ , until we met Aang. For a year, I planned, and  _ planned _ . I strategized, and I… I kept everything together. And then it was just over. And I’m still fighting.”

Sokka swallowed hard, “I mean, my people still need me, and I still want to help them, I do. But… everything I did was so that I could be doing this with my friends, my family. And everyone’s gone. My dad’s busy between the tribes, and when he has time to see me, I can tell that he’s just waiting to hear what else I’m doing, and I have nothing to tell him. Katara’s either travelling with Aang or helping the colonies. Toph’s got her metal-bending school. Suki’s helping Aang.” Sokka’s eyes met Zuko’s. 

_ And me? What about me, Sokka?  _ Zuko wanted to ask. __

“It’s like, I’m useless without a war to fight because I have no real power, no real value to anyone. And it’s like… I was a specific person for so long. I was the sarcastic, funny, planner-guy. And no one wants to see me as anything else. Everyone wants me to stay as the person I _ was _ , the person I became to cope with the greatest crisis of my life.” 

Zuko heard the words he’d said the night before, echo, “I’m lonely. I’m so, so lonely.”

Zuko nodded, “I’m sorry that’s happening.” He didn’t know what else to say. 

Sokka met his eyes, and understanding washed over him. “You’re lonely too. Did… did you say you and Mai broke up?” 

“Yeah. We did.” Zuko searched Sokka’s eyes, and found safety. “It wasn’t fair to her. Um… well, I don’t really… like girls i—in that way. I like...” He couldn’t finish the sentence, shame crept up to his face. 

Sokka reached out and gave Zuko’s arm a reassuring squeeze. His hand was so cold, Zuko swore it should have melted against his hot skin. 

“I understand.” His smile was so kind, so impossibly genuine that Zuko’s eyes welled up. 

“Really?” Zuko blinked back tears. 

Sokka nodded, “Really.” He paused, “Well, I mean… not exactly. I… I like girls and guys. Does anyone else know?” 

“Mai… she was the one that really brought it up in the first place.” 

He let go of his arm, and Zuko immediately missed the touch.“But not your uncle? You don’t think he’d be upset, do you?” 

Zuko shrugged, “I mean, I know he wouldn’t outwardly be angry. But I can’t help but think that I’m one mistake away from his disappointment. I mean, I know it’s stupid, but what if this is just something he can’t forgive?” 

“It’s nothing to forgive, Zuko. It’s just who you are. So unless your uncle has secretly been kind and accepting to literally everyone just to secretly hate you for this, I don’t think he’ll be disappointed. But you should wait until you’re ready.”    
  
“Have you told anyone?” Zuko asked. 

“It’s… different in the Water Tribe. I don’t know about the Northern Water Tribe, but back home, men and women are separated often enough that it’s only natural for them to find love and comfort where they can. I never really had to… come out about it. Not that I really had a chance to date _.  _ But it’s always been something I’ve known about myself and that my family knows too. I figure… if I’m with a guy, anyone who needs to know will know.”

Zuko studied him. He really had changed a lot since they’d last seen one another. His face was fuller, stronger. His ears didn’t stick out any longer. He’d completely bulked up, and grown taller. He was wearing his hair down, and it framed his jaw. His smile was the same, though. Always the same. 

It was his eyes. They held so much within them. When he looked into them, it was like lightning struck him, crashing against waves and rocky shores. A storm waiting to lull him in with one beautiful moment before completely overtaking him. He wasn’t sure how someone from the Water Tribe could have eyes that burned just like lightning, but they did. 

Sokka noticed his staring. He cleared his throat, “Anyways… I gave you my sob story. What’s been happening in Zuko-town?”

The corner of Zuko’s mouth twitched. “I’m tired. I know I have a job to do, and that it’s my duty to take the throne, but I don’t want to. Iroh hates it. He hasn’t wanted it since he fought in the war, and even before that... I don’t know if he ever truly did. But he’s doing it for his country. And for me. But I know he expects me to take it in three years. And I have to. But I’m just… so tired.” 

He sighed, “I looked for my mother. My father told me next to nothing. She’s gone. I don’t know where, and I don’t even know if she’s alive. And Azula… she’s become… nothing. She doesn’t talk or think. She barely eats or sleeps. And I just want to help her, which is crazy, but she’s my sister and I feel like I need to. I wish I could heal her, and I wish I could ask Katara to… to try something, but I know that it’s too much, too far.” 

“You know…” He scoffed, “I spent so many years chasing at any hope to return home… to belong here. And now that I’m here… I don’t want it.”

Sokka huffed, “Isn’t the world just so... stupid? I worked so hard to keep my home safe, and you worked so hard to get back to yours, and neither of us are happy. I’m just sick of it…”

“You’re sick of the whole world?” Zuko said, meaning to tease him. 

Sokka frowned. “Yeah. I am. All of it. I wish I was just—just a spirit in this stupid forest, trapping lonely people inside.” 

His words were joking, but Zuko knew his tone was serious. Before he could even think about it, he knelt in front of Sokka and seized his forearms, staring right into those eyes which held so much power over him. 

“Sokka…” He began before being cut off.

Sokka turned his face away from him, “God, I’m useless. I’m tired of being useless! There’s nothing I can do, and there’s no one who needs me. I—” 

Zuko grabbed at his chin and turned his face to his, so that he was looking him dead-on. “Listen to me, you’re not useless, Sokka. Your people need you, your family needs you, and your friends need you.”  _ I need you. _ “You’re the only person who I’ve ever told about everything. You’re  _ real _ , and you know how to talk to people, and you…” 

Zuko became violently aware of how close their faces were. He could feel Sokka’s breath on the tip of his nose. His heart pounded in his ears. He loosened his grip on his chin and despite his inner-voice telling him to stop, he brushed his fingers across Sokka’s jaw. The full attention of his eyes made him feel small, like he would forever be encompassed by his gaze. 

He withdrew his arm, slowly. Guiltily.

“Um... you…”, he sputtered and looked away.

“Zuko…” Sokka’s voice was hoarse, barely a whisper.There was something odd about the way he said it, something  _ tender.  _ It hit Zuko in the pit of his stomach. 

He snapped back to face him, “Stay.” He hadn’t meant it so brashly. But he had meant it. 

Sokka squinted, “I—what?” 

Zuko nodded methodically, “You should stay. Here. In the Fire Nation.”  _ With me.  _

“But what would I—” 

“You could be on the council. I’ll make you the Water Tribe ambassador! Just for a few months—or longer, whatever you’d like.” Zuko said brightly. 

Zuko could almost see the gears turning in Sokka’s mind. “That… that’s not a bad idea. I mean, I could help negotiate trade, and laws, and…” He stopped, “But, do you think they’d let me? Let a tribesman join the council?”

“Well, I think Uncle would be all for it. So if you’ve got the Firelord, and future Firelord vouching for you, I think it’ll work out.” Zuko smiled softly. 

Sokka considered carefully. “Yeah. I could stay. Do something. Something worthwhile.” 

“You should.” Zuko searched his eyes, to make sure he was serious. When he determined that he was, he stood up and reached his hand out to Sokka, “Well then, we’d better find a way out of this forest.”

The two grinned as Zuko helped Sokka to his feet. 

“Lead the way, Ambassador.” 


	2. Chapter 2

It had been two months since the anniversary, and Sokka had adjusted... well, beautifully. The council at first hadn’t taken kindly to a seventeen year-old water tribesman joining, but Sokka had done what he always did. He watched deliberately, strategized, and executed his plan. He’d verbally sparred with the highest-ranking members and held his ground. The trade deals he’d drafted had been found to be beneficial to both parties, and highly efficient. Plus, his natural charm and wit had made him likable and respectable. 

Zuko had always known these things about him, so it didn’t surprise him to see Sokka earn the respect of his council. The young man seemed happier than ever, and in turn, his friendship had brightened up Zuko’s life. But there was one problem. 

Zuko couldn’t stop thinking about that night. The trust they’d shared. Sokka’s touch, the way he’d said his name. His eyes. 

Not to mention the overwhelmingly casual displays of affection. Honestly, Sokka must have grown up among rabbits, because he had no shame in  _ piling _ himself on Zuko any time they sat by each other. Or how easily his arm rested across Zuko’s shoulders. How willing he was to give an assuring squeeze. 

It freaked Zuko the fuck out. 

He could barely focus during their sparring sessions. Sometimes, during meetings, he’d find himself staring too long, watching him talk, the way he formed letters, wishing to trace his finger across his mouth. It was reaching a point of ridiculousness, and became exhausting. 

They were in Zuko’s room. The night had stolen all light but the candles and lamps that burned throughout the room. Lately, Sokka had taken to helping him sort through official documents, giving his advice or comments. Mostly, he was just weeding through to find the most important proposals. Zuko sat in his chair, and Sokka had long abandoned a chair and opted instead to lie on the floor, his legs up against the desk. Zuko had no clue how he could  _ think _ in such an uncomfortable position, but Sokka’s restlessness always seemed to have him moving after short periods of time. Sokka let out an amused note as he read, his brow raised. Then another hum.

The corner of Zuko’s lip curled. “Unless my legislators have somehow developed a sense of humor, I can’t imagine that you’re reading a proposal right now.”

“No, it’s a proposal. It’s just a bad one, from Governor Goto. Like, if you’re going to ask for all these resources, don’t be passive-aggressive about it, or at least back it up with some numbers. I’m just excited to write back just as jerk-ishly!”

Zuko smiled, “Just don’t rebuke the governor too much, the Fire Lord—or crowned price—doesn’t need to be seen as against his own people.”

Sokka positioned himself upright, and flashed his stupid grin, “I’m not gonna ruin your reputation, don’t worry, highness. But I mean… come on,” he jumped up and flashed the paper in Zuko’s face, resting his icy hand on his bare arm, and sending a jolt through Zuko’s body, “ _ Going forward, our esteemed leaders will no doubt take action— given they truly understand the position of the colony—and refrain from recent trends of ignorance. _ It’s like he wants me to deck him in the face!” 

“I don’t like it any more than you do, Sokka, and I would never present it to Uncle without some serious revisions.” He read over some of the phrasing, “I do admit, it’s ballsy. If the governor wasn’t such an asshole, I’d want him on the council.”

Sokka cackled and hopped to sit on Zuko’s desk, “Yeah, what would his specialty be, being a dick? Personally, I think you’ve got enough members covering that area.” 

Zuko leaned back in his chair, letting himself relax. They’d been at their work for hours, after all, and deserved a break. Sokka always worked as long as Zuko did, if not longer. He studied his friend for a moment, as if he hadn’t memorized every feature, every breath. He was talking about something, probably the altercation he’d had with a councilwoman the other day. But Zuko couldn’t pay attention to what he was saying, as he was again entranced by the way he formed those words.

“...I mean, there are plenty of things to insult me about, but how can she not see the value of a boomerang, right? ...right? ...earth to Zuko...” 

A hand waved in front of Zuko’s face. He blinked, “Sorry, I was, uh… thinking.”

“Well, don’t hurt yourself.” Sokka quipped. 

“I haven’t actually thanked you yet, have I?” Zuko blurted.

“W-what d’you mean?” Sokka asked.

“These past few months, you’ve done so much, helped me countless times. You work harder than any person I’ve ever known. And most importantly, you’ve been a good friend. Thank you.”

Zuko swore he saw some redness in Sokka’s face. “It’s nothing, man. Well, I mean, of course it’s  _ something _ . But… but I’m happy to do it. In fact, I haven’t been this happy since… well, in a long time.”

“Yeah. Me, too.” Zuko said, his voice soft. He tilted his head slightly to look Sokka directly in the eye, “You know, that night, I… I wanted to say that… well, we’ve gotten to be pretty good friends…” Sokka nodded, urging him to continue. Had all the sun exposure given him freckles? 

He cleared his throat and stood up, scooting forward in his chair. He became painfully aware of the fact that his knee was now pressed up against Sokka’s leg that hung over the desk. 

He tried to open his mouth and speak, to say something, but found himself so entranced  _ fucking again  _ by his eyes, no words came out. Sokka smiled, confused, but remained silent, waiting for him to finish. Zuko looked down at his own hands and abruptly stood up, hand in his hair, looking past Sokka, unable to meet his eyes.    
  


“I don’t really know how to talk like this… I mean, in general, talking isn’t my strong suit, I tend to just ramble or say nothing and it’s awkward, and  _ I’m _ awkward. If I’m being honest, I don’t know how I’m going to be the fucking Firelord when I’m so bad at talking, so that’s an entirely different issue that I like to keep in the back of my mind at times, and—”

“Stop.” Sokka said quietly.  _ Oh, oh no. I’ve taken it too far, he’s annoyed, he— _

Sokka grabbed his wrist, “You’re going to be a great Firelord. You are. Look man, you don’t have to be good at everything right now. It’s fine to need to get better and improve, and sometimes let other people take the lead during moments. You’re a good person. And you know what, I personally think you’re good at talking, because you’re good at  _ listening _ , Zuko.” 

Zuko’s chest fluttered at the sound of Sokka saying his name.  _ Why _ , he couldn’t say. It wasn’t like he hadn’t said it before. Maybe it was because before this moment, before Sokka had said his name the way he had, he had never heard it said like that. Maybe it was just because he could still feel his cold hand on his wrist, feeling impossibly natural, like it had always been there. Whatever it was, it sent a shiver down Zuko’s spine. 

He let out a shaky breath and chuckled, “Yeah, well you’ve been better at this than me from day one and I think that maybe—” 

Sokka huffed, grabbing him by the collar with one hand and poking his chest with the other, “Stop. Saying. Things. Like. That. Stop it. You are capable of so many things, why can’t you see all that you are?” His voice broke for a moment. 

Their noses were almost touching. Zuko swore he could hear Sokka blinking. He basked in the painful steadiness of the moment, aching both to stay in it, and leave forever. Their breathing had matched. He could feel the energy of the falling and rising of Sokka’s chest. How much longer could he stare? How much longer did he dare to drink in the moment before plunging forward to the next one? 

He waited. Waited.  _ Get over the moment, get over the feelings of this one second.  _

Zuko kissed Sokka. He kissed him hard, desperately. 

And then Sokka was kissing him back. He tightened the grip on his collar and pulled him closer, so that Zuko was leaning against the desk and his legs. Zuko kissed him without restraint. He kissed him like he knew this would either be the beginning or the end. Like he’d never kissed anyone before. Like this one kiss would throw his fears far from his existence. He kissed him like he was made of stars. Like those stars would fade if he stopped. He kissed him like he was starving. Like he had a hunger so deep inside that he wasn’t sure he would ever taste anything else again. 

Sokka’s lips crept slowly from Zuko’s mouth, to the hollow of his cheek, to his jaw, and he wondered if he’d ever breathe again. He let out a gasp as Sokka left a trail of kisses down his neck. He cupped his jaw and threaded his fingers through his hair and found his mouth with his own again, giving him slow kisses that ached and bruised. 

Suddenly, Sokka stopped and snapped his head past Zuko, “What was that?” 

Zuko blinked in confusion, breathing heavily, like he’d just woken up from a dream. “It’s probably just a guard, don’t worry.” He responded, like he could catch that dream if he simply sunk back into sleep.

“No, wait, something’s wrong.” Sokka went to his feet and cautiously stepped towards the balcony door, reaching behind for his boomerang. 

A crash, followed by a shattering of glass sounded through the room. The cool gust shot inside, smothering the fires that lit the room. Zuko had only a moment to process before he was tackled to the ground with incredible force. A glint of a blade materialized in the dark above him, moonlight reflecting a masked face. He forced the assailant off of him with a burst of flame, and the man shouted with both pain and surprise before going in for another attack. 

He could hear Sokka struggling with another attacker—maybe two. He pushed forward towards his own masked man and threw a bout of flame towards him. Each blaze lit up the room for just a moment. There were definitely two men on Sokka, but the man Zuko was dealing with was quick and seemingly unaffected by his blows. Finally, he got a decent hit and the man flung across the room, unmoving. Zuko quickly relit the lights in a quick sweeping motion just as Sokka managed to stun one of the guys on him with a blow to the head. Just as Zuko shot at the other, Sokka had lost his boomerang to the man’s shoulder. They stood there for a moment, catching their breaths. 

“Wh—didn’t the guards hear that?” Sokka panted and opened the door, searching outside. “Shit”, he mumbled. 

Zuko followed and stuck his head out the door. Two guards were crumpled on the ground. Sokka knelt beside them, and inspected their positions. 

Zuko spotted a patch of blood on Sokka’s shoulder, that peeked just under his shirt, “You’re wounded.” 

Sokka rolled his eyes, and continued to examine the men, “Can’t you just say hurt like everyone else? And no, I’m not. I think if I was hurt, I’d be feeling something.” 

_ Oh. We’re going back to friendly banter. Okay.  _

“Well, you’re bleeding, so I think that qualifies as “hurt”...” Zuko retorted, trying to cover his worry with sarcasm.

“ _ Well _ ,” Sokka mimicked Zuko’s tone, “If I can’t feel it, it’s probably not bad enough to think about right now.” He sighed, “They’re alive, but it looks like they’ve been drugged… maybe—” 

Sokka paused mid-sentence and whirled his head to look up at Zuko, “The Firelord! You’ve got to get to your uncle  _ now _ .” 

Realization hit Zuko. His . “Wh—what do we do with them?!” he gestured to the guards.

“I’ll find someone to help me get them to the infirmary, you need to make sure Iroh is safe!” 

Zuko nodded and sprinted towards his uncle’s chambers. He could faintly hear Sokka shouting for more guards as he raced through the hallways, abandoning all pretenses, wildly running and turning throughout the palace. He reached his uncle’s chambers, and he slammed through the wide double-doors, scanning the room for any sign of danger. 

Iroh jolted awake, “Zuko?” 

“Have they gotten here yet?” He asked in a panic, desperately searching the windows of the Firelord’s room, lighting a flame to see past the night. 

“Who? What are you talking about?” Iroh groggily asked. 

“The assassins! They came for me first—” Zuko said, still scouring for any hidden masked men behind curtains and wardrobes. “We thought they might come after you next— or that they’d already gotten to you! They drugged my guards… and, if Sokka hadn’t been there, I…” 

“Take a breath, Zuko. No one is here.” Iroh stroked his beard to settle his worry, “It seems that they were after you specifically. Are you and Sokka alright?” 

“I’m fine. And Sokka got hit, but I don’t think it’s bad. He didn’t even notice it. He took the guards to the infirmary, and I’m sure they’ll look at it there.” Zuko dismissed. 

“And the assassins?” 

“Sokka probably… took care of it… I should probably go and make sure!” Zuko awkwardly bowed and jogged back to his chambers. 

The men were gone. Zuko pivoted right into Sokka and practically bounced off of him, bound for the ground until Sokka steadied him. 

“Woah there, wolf-horsie, we’ve got things taken care of.”  _ Wolf-horsie. So we’re definitely not addressing what just happened. Great. _

“Your guards are being treated right now—and so is the guy I boomerang’d. But we’ve got him under a special watch. And the other two assassins are in the prison. It doesn’t look like there are any more of them, so we’ll just have to interrogate them. But I say we make them sweat a little before talking; and by that, I mean crank the heat in their cells and literally make them sweat.” 

Zuko pushed past Sokka, “I’m interrogating them now.” 

“Or now. That works too.” Sokka mumbled and followed suit to the dungeons. 

As they reached the lower cells, Zuko ordered the guards to take the man he’d fought to the interrogation chamber. 

“Damn, you guys read my mind about the heat thing, didn’t you?” Sokka said to the guards accompanying them, trying to fan himself with his shirt. 

Zuko rolled his eyes, “Water Tribe. Figures.”

Sokka not-so-playfully punched him. Zuko elbowed him back, resulting in Sokka wincing. 

_ ‘Don’t feel it’ my ass...  _ Zuko thought. “Maybe you should head to the infirmary yourself, Sokka.”

“Pssh, yeah. Like I’m gonna miss out on what’ll probably make my week—an interrogation! I’ve been reading so many proposals, and deals, and trades; I miss the action! The fun stuff!”

_ What, kissing wasn’t fun?  _ “What, the assassination attempt wasn’t enough?” 

“The assassination attempt was the action—this is the fun. Much like the avatar, I believe in balance.” Sokka flashed a shit-eating grin. 

Zuko suppressed a smirk, “Yeah, you and Aang really share those opinions on action and fighting.” 

A guard approached and bowed, “Your Majesty, the prisoner is ready for interrogation.” 

Zuko nodded and entered the interrogation chamber, Sokka following slightly behind, huffing. 

“I think I need to lay off the fire-flakes… those stairs are killing me!” Sokka mumbled under his breath. 

The prisoner was seated in a bolted chair, his hands and feet chained to the ground. He was maskless now, revealed to be a thin, wiry man, whose wrinkled skin clung to his angular structure. Even his smile was thin… sharp. His eyes were light and pale, like there was no life behind them. 

His smile unsettled Zuko. It wasn’t the smile of a prisoner, but of a madman. 

“Who are you?” Zuko demanded.

“How long have I been in here?” 

Zuko ignored him, and repeated his previous question, “Who are you?”

“I am Kumo.” He plainly said. 

“Attempting to kill a member of the royal family is a crime punishable by death. Give me a reason to not enact that right...  _ Kumo _ .” 

Kumo laughed darkly, “I’m not  _ giving _ you anything,  _ Prince _ Zuko. I am in the position of power, here.” 

“Funny, it looks to me like you’re the one in chains.” Zuko retorted. 

“It would appear that way.” Kumo said. 

“If you’re so powerful, why attack me? What does it prove?” Zuko taunted. 

“Have you ever heard of the Hegopi Spider-Fly? It’s a fascinating insect... extremely deadly, quicker, bigger, and more mobile than most fly breeds. When it finds where the flies hatch, it fattens itself up. But, nature has a contingency, as it always does, you see—” 

“ _ Enough! _ ” Zuko spat, inching towards his face. “I’m not listening to your nonsense. You’re clearly just a weak, failed assassin who’s trying to buy time. Well, I’m not wasting mine with you.”

“I’m fine with that. I’d rather talk to Sokka anyways.” Kumo said, nodding towards Zuko.

Sokka reddened—out of anger or embarrassment Zuko didn’t know—and met the Prince’s eyes. He slightly raised his brows, asking the questions of ‘ _How does he know my name? What that hell is that supposed to mean?_ _Should I try to talk to this guy?’_

Zuko nodded in response, trying to express something along the lines of ‘ _ Yeah, give it a fucking whirl’ _ , and backed away from Kumo. He leaned against the wall as Sokka approached the shackled man.

Sokka cleared his throat, “And why do you want to talk to me? You don’t even know me.”

“You’re the Water Tribe Ambassador… You’re a non-bender— on the Firelord’s council. I’m intrigued by you. Tell me, how  _ have _ you come to such levels of authority?” 

_ Well it wasn’t by making out with the Prince.  _ Zuko thought.

“Well, the Chief of the Southern Water Tribe is my father, and I have fought alongside both the Avatar and Prince Zuko… I’d say I’m fairly qualified. But I’m also not interested in playing games or listening to your stories. Why did you attack tonight?” 

“The Firelord and the Princeling have made our nation weak. As a member who loves it and wants to keep it free, I have a responsibility. Call it duty…” He flicked his eyes to Zuko, “Honor.” 

Zuko huffed, and stepped towards Kumo, “I don’t see much honor in attacking from the shadows.”

“Perhaps not… but there certainly isn’t honor in weakening your nation purposefully by equating goodness to weakness.” Kumo said, his voice steady and calm, hiding a storm beneath. 

“So what... you’re angry at the diplomatic actions of the Fire Nation? So you thought you’d kill the Prince? Why not the Firelord?” Sokka asked.

Kumo sighed, “I knew we’d only have a chance for one attack. If we killed the current Firelord, the little Prince would only take his place. However, losing another young Prince just might render Iroh incapable just as before. And if he isn’t swallowed up in his grief… well, he’s an old man. He won’t live forever.” 

Zuko resisted the urge to sear Kumo like a steak. 

To his surprise, Sokka scoffed, “I don’t buy it. I don’t buy that you’re here because of your bullshit nationalist ideals.” 

Kumo smiled. “Why ever not?” 

“You’ve done nothing but insult the true-born leaders of the Fire Nation and yet you haven’t said anything about… well, me. Not to make it about myself, of course, but I’ve yet to encounter a Fire Nation supremacist who hasn’t discredited my position as a member of the Water Tribe. You don’t hate me. Or the Firelord. Not even Prince Zuko. So why, really, are you here?” Sokka raised his eyebrows, taunting Kumo to answer. 

“Maybe you know what you’re talking about… maybe you don’t. Tell me, Sokka, how long have I been in here? Would you say it’s been thirty minutes?”

“I haven’t been keeping track of time. Why are you here?” Sokka asked, his voice quiet but nevertheless powerful. 

Kumo looked down, “Whether or not you believe me, that is my answer.” His eyes flicked up to Sokka’s. 

There was a pregnant pause. Kumo studied Sokka. 

“You have a deep connection to the spirits, don’t you? At least…  _ one _ spirit. A strong one.” Kumo observed. 

Sokka faltered. He seemed almost to break. He crouched so that he was looking Kumo directly in the eyes, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.  _ You _ don’t know what you’re talking about.” He seethed, before turning and swiftly exiting the room. 

“Return him to his cell.” Zuko ordered his guards and left to follow Sokka. A pit formed in his stomach at his last glimpse of Kumo, smiling thinly. 

“Sokka!” Zuko called when he spotted him. Sokka didn’t respond, he only continued walking. Zuko jogged slightly to catch up to him. He reached for his arm just to be met with a raised hand of objection. 

“Just… don’t. I’m sorry I couldn’t help get anything useful out of him. I—I’m not feeling great, I think I need to lie down for a bit.” He said, his back to Zuko. 

“Yeah, okay. Let… let me know if I can do anything.” Zuko numbly said. Sokka nodded and began to climb the steps towards his room.

_ Fuck _ , Zuko thought.  _ I ruined it. I ruined everything. _ He fought tears that threatened to spill, his breaths quickened. He started up the steps just as Iroh came into sight. 

“What’s wrong?” Iroh asked gently. 

Zuko sniffed, “It’s… it’s nothing. I’m a little tense right now, is all.”

Zuko could tell he didn’t believe him, but was grateful that he didn’t push, “I see. Sokka seemed to be tense as well. I think you could both use some rest. Why don’t you tell me what happened so you can go to sleep…” He said, putting his arm around Zuko. 

He told him everything. Well, everything minus the kissing. He told him what Kumo had said, and Sokka’s reaction. Iroh nodded thoughtfully. 

“I wonder if Sokka is right. His motivations don’t match his actions. I will talk to the other prisoners and then Kumo. We still have a lot of questions that need answering. You should rest. Perhaps with a few extra guards…” 

“Yes, Uncle.” He responded and left to his room. Someone had cleaned up the glass in his absence. The broken balcony door had two guards on the other side of it. Zuko could practically feel their body heat from his bed. 

He tried to sleep, but instead stared at the ceiling, awake for hours, in a restless shuffle of adjustment. Thoughts of the night’s events circled through his mind.  _ Did Sokka hate him now? Did he regret kissing him? Had he hated it the whole time? He shouldn’t have kissed him like that, without warning. How had the attackers drugged his guards? And if they had access to that, why hadn’t they just drugged Zuko? Who the hell was Kumo, and why did he attack?  _

He couldn’t keep himself from glancing towards the balcony. The beams of moonlight that glinted against the broken glass shone in his eyes. Even with his eyes closed, he could see their brightness. Finally, he sighed and rolled out of bed. If he wasn’t going to sleep, he may as well make sure his prisoner wasn’t getting any either. 

Zuko could hear a voice inside the interrogation room. It wasn’t Iroh, he’d passed his room and seen the man back asleep in his bed. 

“Who’s with the Prisoner?” Zuko demanded from a nearby guard. 

“The Water Tribe Ambassador, my Prince. Just now. He… he said that you had given him permission.” The woman nervously said.

_ What was Sokka sneaking around for?  _

Zuko cleared his throat, “Oh, uh.. yes. I did. You can go back to your, uh… guarding and such.” 

Confusion lit the woman’s eyes, but she nevertheless bowed curtly and continued to move through the floor of cells and rooms. Zuko inched towards the door, trying to make out the conversation inside. 

“I don’t understand why you’re here, Sokka. You seem to be… skirting around the issue. How can I help you?” Zuko heard Kumo say. 

“How are you doing it?” Sokka questioned.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’ll have to be specific.” 

Zuko could almost see Sokka’s jaw clench, “You know what I’m talking about.”

“Tell me, Sokka, has it been six hours, would you say? Since the attack, I mean.”

“I don’t know how long it’s been!” Sokka yelled. 

“I’d say almost four. Not quite. It’s a bit difficult to keep track without any access to the real sun, but I get by.” 

“The real sun?” Sokka incredulously asked. 

Kumo hummed, “Mm, well you’ve seen the sun in the spirit world. It’s not  _ our _ sun, of course. It just provides an illusion of light.” 

“I’ve only been to the spirit world once. And it was dark, everywhere. I was trapped. There was no light.” 

“Interesting.” The man paused, like he was observing Sokka, “You know, benders think they’re the only ones who can access it easily. It’s not true, of course. Through enlightenment, or in your case, through a spirit, anyone can reach the spirit world.” 

“Benders are the ones with a natural connection to spirits. Of course they can get there more easily.” Sokka scoffed. 

“Benders are simply the only ones who are taught to access their connection to the spirits. Think about it. You’re Water Tribe… aren’t you just as surrounded by water as the benders are? Do you not swim, sail, and fish in the same water? Does the moon not strengthen your conviction? You’ve always had a connection with the spirits, haven’t you? You just didn’t realize it. Or maybe you forced yourself to forget it, ignored it.” 

Sokka laughed, though it came out more like a wheeze, “I’m not a spiritual person. I don’t consider every living thing to be ‘sacred’, I don’t pray, I don’t meditate. I have just as much connection with the spirits as I do the elements.”

“Then why are you here, Sokka? Why are you visiting a prisoner secretly in the middle of the night?”

Sokka let out a shaky breath, his voice hoarse, “I want you... _ out _ of my head.” 

  
Zuko practically heard Kumo smile, “Ah, I see. Well, at least you figured it out before  _ Zuko _ . Sokka, do you remember what I told Zuko about the Hegopi Spider-Fly?”

Zuko imagined Sokka rolling his eyes, “Yes. It’s big, it’s deadly, it’s mean. It kills all the other types of flies.” 

“Not quite. You see, nothing in nature goes unchecked. It’s all balanced.” Kumo paused, making sure that Sokka still followed. “The mosquito-fly... well, it's is exactly what it sounds like. When the Hegopi gets too big, it becomes an easy target for the mosquito-fly, an insect a fraction its size. The mosquito-fly infects the Hegopi with its own venom, little by little, until it’s at its weakest. And then, it introduces the swarm. At this point, it’s too late, the Hegopi is too weak to fight back. So tell me, Sokka. Do you think it’s been four hours?”

Realization hit Zuko. He burst through the door. Sokka rapidly turned, almost involuntary. He looked sick, his eyes sunken and glossed over. Zuko noted the beads of sweat trickling down his skin.

He marched past Sokka, “What did you do, Kumo?” Zuko spat. 

“Sokka really should have had that cut tended to. Not that it would’ve made any substantial difference, the poison hits the bloodstream quickly. But perhaps the symptoms would’ve been caught sooner.” Kumo looked beyond Zuko to Sokka and raised his brows , “I’ll be seeing you soon.” 

Kumo took in a deep breath, and exhaled; as he closed his eyes, his body sank into a state of immobility. Zuko took a step back in confusion. He brushed against Sokka and turned to inspect him. With a hand on his shoulder Zuko frantically raised Sokka’s chin with his other hand, searching for more signs of danger. “Are you okay? We need to get you to the med—” 

Sokka brushed his hands away, his breathing heavy and loud, “I fine... I just need t-to—” 

Before he could finish, he was sinking to his knees, grasping at Zuko to soften his fall. Zuko couldn’t stop his crashing to the floor. He fell to his knees and with wide eyes attempted to shake Sokka awake. He didn’t stir. 

“Guards!” He heard himself faintly yell, a flooding of sound filling his ears. “Guards!” 

Zuko watched for breathing. Checked his pulse. He was only unconscious. 

Two guards erupted into the room. One bent down to examine Sokka while the other formed a barrier between Kumo and the others. 

“What happened here?” The guard examining Sokka asked.

“I don’t—Kumo poisoned him, I think. And then he fell into this… this meditative state. I don’t… we need to get Sokka to the infirmary. Help me carry him”, he turned to the guard watching Kumo, “Send for me if he wakes up or if something changes.” 

Zuko and the guard lifted Sokka and began carrying him out of the room. Outside, two more guards had arrived. Zuko ordered one to the infirmary to prepare for Sokka and the other one to get Iroh. As they neared the infirmary, a stretcher was brought out which they transferred Sokka to and got him inside. Iroh reached the room just as Zuko began to explain what had happened to the doctor.

The doctor began treating Sokka and Zuko attempted to rationalize everything, “I’ll see you soon… I mean, what did that even mean? You don’t think he somehow…  _ forced _ Sokka into the spirit world? Is that even possible, Uncle?” Zuko asked. 

“The spirit world has many secrets… no one truly knows what is and isn’t possible. I must say, I’ve never heard of a person forcing another person into the spirit world. Spirits can force us… and we can guide each other… so I suppose it’s not entirely unquestionable. In my experience with the spirit world, one often has to be vulnerable to enter it.” Iroh thought aloud. 

The doctor approached them, “The wound itself is minor. It only needed a few stitches. The poison, on the other hand… I’ve only heard of it. It’s a slow-affecting poison, meant to keep the victim in a prolonged state of weakness. There isn’t a known neutralizer. The best solution would be to get him to a Water Healer. Although—and I am far from an expert on the subject—if this is indeed something of spiritual nature, moving his body may prove dangerous.”

“Wait… What if we bring the Water Healer here? Katara and Aang are heading for the Western Air Temple this week. Sokka was just writing to her. I’ll send a messenger hawk and Appa can get them here in just a few days.”

“Yes, Katara can get here faster than any other healer. And she would probably want to be the one to treat her brother. You should write to her now.” Iroh urged Zuko. 

Zuko paced to his room, practically ripping open his drawer to find some spare paper.

  
  


_ ̶K̶̶a̶̶t̶̶a̶̶r̶̶a̶̶.̶̶ _

_ ̶̶K̶̶a̶̶t̶̶a̶̶r̶̶a̶̶!̶̶ _

_ ̶̶W̶̶h̶̶a̶̶t̶̶'̶̶s̶̶ ̶̶u̶̶p̶̶,̶̶ ̶̶K̶̶a̶̶t̶̶a̶̶r̶̶a̶̶?̶̶!̶̶ _

_ ̶̶h̶̶e̶̶y̶̶ ̶̶f̶̶r̶̶i̶̶e̶̶n̶̶d̶̶!̶ _

_ Katara, _

_ There was an attack. Sokka’s been poisoned and needs a healer. Please write back when you get this message, the hawk knows to come back.  _

_ Zuko  _


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katara and Aang meet up with Zuko to decide their next move. Zuko and Iroh have an important chat. This sounds like a terrible Netflix episode summary, I'm so sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well. hi. 
> 
> it's been a sec. my b. also this chapter isn't that long. sorry, i haven't had much time to write. I'm back in school, but I'm now double-majoring and also working so unfortunately i just haven't had the time to write anything that's not academic. also, im shit at planning and wrote myself into a plothole and then gave up for a while.
> 
> as always, it was barely skimmed for review. and it was not read by anyone else so any narrative, grammatical, or idk... character errors, feel free to let me know if its annoying or something, ill be sure to fix it. 
> 
> thanks so much for reading! you may have forgotten this story because it's been like a million years, so thanks for giving it a chance!

It was two days before they got a response. Two days of watching Sokka—unmoving—his fever slowly worsening. Zuko found himself pouring over any tomes and journals he could find about the spirit world and poisons. When he wasn’t reading and studying, he was watching over Sokka fervently, invoking the power of any deity that might listen. When Zuko’s hawk returned with a small note tied to his leg, he tripped over himself trying to reach it. 

_ Dear Zuko, _

_ We’re on our way. We should be there in three days. Take care of him.  _

_ Katara  _

  
  


They arrived the next morning on Appa, right on the footsteps of the palace. Katara leaped off Appa and pushed through the palace to find the infirmary. She burst into the infirmary; Zuko was leaning over Sokka, holding one of his hands in his. He quickly let go and stood to greet her. 

“What happened?” Katara asked, veiling panic behind hurry. Aang trailed behind. 

“There was an attack. Sokka and I fought them off, but he got cut. The leader may have forced him into the spirit world using a slow-acting poison.” Zuko mumbled. 

“What?” Katara shouted. For a moment, her eyes contained that lightning he recognized so well, that crashing of waves. Her sharp look seeped into his skin, cold and harsh. 

Zuko stuttered, unable to keep eye contact, “Agni, Katara, I don’t know! I’m sorry, it all happened so fast, and he was acting like he was just fine, and—” 

“And the others? The other assassins?” She demanded. 

“All in the trance, too.” Zuko responded. 

“Did you say he was  _ forced _ into the spirit world? From another person? How is that even possible?” Aang interrupted. 

Zuko swallowed, “I-I don’t know. I don’t even know for sure if that’s what happened, but he kept saying things and then when Sokka collapsed. I tried to meditate and connect to the spirit world, but it hasn’t worked. Uncle hasn’t been able to either—I mean, it’s a full moon and I’m not completely connected spiritually—I don’t know what’s going on. I’m so sorry.” Zuko closed his eyes, covering his mouth with his hands. He choked back a gasp and bit his lip, trying not to let out any tears. 

Katara sighed, “It… it’s not your fault, Zuko. Here, help me sit him up so I can look at his cut.” She gently guided him and the two lifted Sokka up. Katara undressed the bandage and began her healing with the water in her pouch. The water glowed with a pure healing force; the instant it touched his skin, a mumble escaped Sokka’s lips, more sound than Zuko had heard in the three days. 

“I should try to go to the spirit world and see if I can figure out what happened.” Aang said. 

“The forest on the outskirts of the city has a lot of spiritual energy. It might be a good place to meditate… if you want.” Zuko muttered. Aang nodded and swiftly left. 

Katara sighed, “What we really need to do is get him to the North Pole. Their healing center has the best equipment…” She pretended not to notice Zuko’s panicked eyes darting between Sokka and Katara. “For now, I need a tub big enough for him to not touch any of the sides.” 

Zuko nodded, “Yes, of course, I’ll get on that.” 

***

That night, Zuko sat outside on his balcony, head between his knees. The moon shone through the clouds, soft pockets of light dancing across his skin. Sleep threatened to take over, but every time he succumbed to it, a racing in his heart would jolt him awake. Unconsciously, he started rocking his body and muttering to himself. 

“May I offer you some tea, Prince Zuko?” Iroh’s gentle voice interrupted his trance. Zuko looked up. Iroh carried a tray of tea and biscuits. 

“I don’t feel like it.” Zuko closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall behind him. 

Iroh didn’t like that answer. Kindly, but with firmness he asked, “When was the last time you ate, Zuko?” 

Zuko peeked an eye open, “It was...”, he shook his head, “...I don’t know.” His head fell again. 

Iroh placed a large, caring hand on Zuko’s shoulder. Zuko often recoiled from touch. But Iroh’s was different. His hands were always kind, that seemed incapable of destruction. They were hands that knew work—that loved work. Hands that meant you were safe when they held you. 

“You won’t be of any use to Sokka if you’re hungry and tired, you know…” Iroh gently gave his shoulder a squeeze. He returned his attention to the tea set. “At least drink some tea. It will strengthen your spirit.” 

Zuko nodded and Iroh poured him a cup. He pushed it into Zuko’s hands and stared until he took a sip. Apparently satisfied, he poured himself a cup and began to drink, himself. 

“It’s good. Thank you, Uncle.” Zuko mustered.

“It is my pleasure.” Iroh replied sincerely. 

After a few more moments of silence which were occasionally broken by a sip of tea, Iroh finally placed down his cup. “Zuko, I—” he paused, carefully considering his words, “I feel as though something is troubling you deeply. More than this situation. Yes, I understand the severity of this and why you are affected so, but… there is something about your spirit that is changed. Something that has been with you for longer than these past days. If you wish to share any… worries or quandaries… I would hope you felt comfortable doing so. And I would impress on you that I don’t want you to feel scared or embarrassed to share how you feel.”

Zuko put down his cup and shakily breathed in, and as he let the breath go, a choking sob escaped his lips. He tried to suck it in, the tears, his breath, everything. Iroh reached his hand out to assure him. 

“I can’t do it. Any of it. I can’t be the Firelord. I can’t even do my duties as Prince. I feel so...” His voice was sore, hoarse, “ _ Hollow _ ”. 

“Hollow...” Iroh said, though it was more like a question.

“I mean, with the Firelord stuff, I’m not like that. With that, it’s like I’m filled with all of these thoughts and doubts. But as soon as… as soon as I lost Sokka, it was like the part of me that  _ feels _ just… broke.” 

Iroh let out a sigh and nodded slowly, “Grief is very powerful. It binds us, sometimes. It makes us feel broken. But we’re not broken. We just need some time to heal.” 

Zuko took in a breath, like he was going to say something, but stopped. Iroh raised a brow, eager to know what his nephew would say next. Instead, Zuko slowly rose to his feet and walked towards the edge of the balcony. He stared into the cloudy sky. Every so often, a beam would touch his lashes and the tip of his nose. He sat in the stillness of the moon, stirring inside. 

With his back still turned to Iroh, he finally let out a breath, and in that breath sank out the words, “I feel for him. So strongly.”

Iroh laughed softly, “Of course you do, he’s your friend, he—”

“No.” Zuko interrupted, “No, I mean, I  _ feel _ for him. Romantically.” He softly said, and pressed his lips tightly together. His body stiffened, even muscle tightening in anticipation of whatever pain might come next. He was shaking, even though the air was warm. His mind urged him to look back, to see how Iroh was reacting. But fear zipped up his spine, to the back of his head, where he knew Iroh was looking. 

Thoughts raced through Zuko’s mind:  _ Why would you say that? What have you done. What if he’s angry? Of course he’s angry, he’s disgusted. He can’t bear to look at you or speak, he’s so ashamed, he— _

A great force of tenderness poured onto Zuko. Iroh was hugging him in a loose but strong embrace. He’d expected pain. Not… not this. The warmth coming from Iroh seeped into Zuko’s pores, to his bones. It seemed to set his chest alight. Relief flooded Zuko’s body, and flowed through his veins, it felt like it was dripping from his fingers. He fell into Iroh, dropping his whole weight onto him, knowing that he wouldn’t fall. 

Zuko breathed in a ragged breath of air and gasped it out in a sob of liberation. “You don’t hate me?” He sniffed, looking up at Iroh.

Iroh put his hands on Zuko’s shoulder, just at the base of his neck. “Zuko. Son.” A tear fell down his cheek, “You contain so much love within you. So much—so much  _ goodness _ . It is never a waste to love someone. And I could never hate you for having love. Never.” 

Zuko blinked back a few tears and let out a small smile. He nodded his head, and swallowed. “Thank you.” 

“Thank you for having the courage to name your thoughts. I’m sorry that you had to worry about my reaction.”

“I was just… scared. For so long, I thought something was wrong with me. There were so many reasons that Father didn’t want me. And part of me always wondered if it was one of the reasons why.”

“Your father holds nothing but anger and malice in his heart. He doesn’t have the right to want you or not anymore. There is nothing wrong with you.” Iroh reassured him. 

Zuko’s breath finally steadied, and his tears finally slowed. Zuko chuckled lightly and hiccupped, “I wasn’t really prepared to do that. I’ve wanted to for so long. And now that I have… well, there were a lot of tears.” He wiped back a few tears with his sleeve.

Iroh smiled brightly, “Tears help us release our emotions so that we don’t need to hold onto them. Much like taking a lid off of a boiling pot. It doesn’t solve everything, but it eases the situation.” Zuko nodded. Iroh continued, “But now that it’s happened, you need to sustain yourself. Rehydrate. Perhaps we could go to the kitchens and eat?”

Zuko sighed, “I appreciate that. But I think I’d like just a bit longer out here. The moon’s really nice to look at. Very calming. But I’ll have some more tea, and eat a few of those biscuits.” 

Iroh seemed to pick up the fact that Zuko meant he wanted to be out here  _ alone _ . He looked at him, almost suspiciously for a moment. Finally, he nodded, “Of course. But please make sure to eat some real food soon.” 

“I will. I promise.” Zuko responded. Iroh gently touched the base of Zuko’s face as an affectionate gesture before departing. 

Zuko kept his promise and ate no less than six biscuits before a whoosh sounded, followed by wood hitting stone. He looked up from his mighty feast.  _ Aang. _ “Zuko. Can we talk?” 

“Did you find Sokka?” Zuko blurted out, looking up eagerly, his mouth not fully empty yet.

Aang opened his mouth to speak but found no words. He stopped for a moment and started again, “No. I couldn’t find Sokka. I asked a lot of spirits and a few of them did see him, though. I went everywhere that they saw him, but… I couldn’t find him.” 

“What did the spirits say he was doing? Was he okay? W--was Kumo there?” Zuko stuttered out. 

Aang dropped next to him without a sound, “All they said was that he was wandering, like he was lost. He didn’t talk to any of them, they said he seemed really nervous, he wouldn’t listen to any of them. I don’t know if it’s true, of course, sometimes spirits lie to get people out of the spirit world. So I don’t know for sure if he’s there, I never saw  _ him _ .” Aang stared at his feet.

“Him? Did you see someone else?” Zuko urged. 

Aang closed his eyes, “I saw Azula.” 

Zuko wondered for a moment if he was having a heart attack. Coincidentally, Aang also wondered that, as he had been practicing his seismic sensing as of late. 

“You saw Azula... In the spirit world.” Zuko blankly said. 

“I think that’s why Kumo’s here. I think he wanted to get imprisoned so he could talk to her more easily. Maybe even break her out.” Aang said. 

It now seemed so obvious to Zuko. Why she never spoke. Why she never listened.

“Did she see you?” 

“I don’t think so…” Aang hesitated, “Zuko… I think you need to try and get to the spirit world and talk to her. She’s definitely involved in this, and I’m afraid that she might be the only one we can get to and convince to stop.”

“We are talking about the same person, right? Azula? My  _ crazy _ sister who’s known for being impossible to reason with?” Zuko huffed. 

“I know, but at least you know  _ something _ about her. We don’t know anything about this Kumo guy. I think it would be worth a try.” Aang cautiously said. 

Zuko closed his eyes, “Well, Azula’s kind of hard to reach, I’d have to enter the spirit world to talk to her. And… I don’t know how. Even Uncle struggles.” 

Aang tilted his head in consideration, “...Actually, I think I may know of something that might help you with that! Last month, Katara and I were at the Eastern Air Temple and we discovered a secret tunnel that led to a bunch of tomes and scrolls. It had writings that were hundreds of years old, and not just from Air Nomads, from all different nations! From before—well…” 

“Before the Fire Nation permanently destroyed ties between all kingdoms ever?” Zuko wryly said. 

“Uh, yeah. Anyways, Sister Jinpa, a monk from the temple wrote about a Fire Nation Scholar named Olaza who visited the temple. She showed her how she mediated on her own fire and taught her how to meditate on her own element. Sister Jinpa said it helped her enter the spirit world. Maybe if you meditate on your own fire it will help you, too.” Aang said excitedly. 

“That’s a pretty good idea. We should go see if Katara’s made any progress and then we can try it.” Zuko said. 

“Cool. Are those biscuits?” Zuko affirmed and Aang scarfed down a few of his own.

The two of them proceeded to the infirmary. Inside, Katara was bent over the vat that Sokka floated in. She used gentle, slow movements with the water that seemed to glow.

“How is he?” Zuko quietly asked. 

“I think the healing is helping. He goes into these fits where he looks like he’s in pain, and I can’t figure out what’s wrong, but they haven’t lasted very long so far. I don’t think anything is going to change until we get him out of the spirit world.” Katara hung her head. 

“Well, to add to our list of problems, Azula’s in the spirit world too. So yeah, we do need to get him out.” Zuko grumbled.

Katara stiffened, “Azula, like your crazy sister, Azula? The one who has tried to kill each of us on several occasions? In the spirit world? With my brother? That Azula? The crazy one?” 

Zuko froze, “Uh, yeah. That would be the one…” 

“Are... you... fucking kidding me?” Katara asked, her teeth clenched. 

Aang and Zuko shared a look of raised eyebrows that conveyed nothing but the word “ _ Yikes _ ”. 

“I don’t know what to tell you, I—” Zuko started.

“Me and Zuko are going to get him out, don’t worry. We just need to figure out what Azula’s doing there. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that it’s all happening while she’s there.” Aang said, attempting to assure her. 

“Well you’d better get him out before he does something stupid and gets killed in the spirit world. Spirits, we never should’ve let him come here!” She rubbed her hands across her mouth in exasperated thought. 

Zuko glared at her, “He’s not stupid. And he wouldn’t have had to be here if you all hadn’t treated him like a helpless idiot.”

“Excuse me? Are you saying this is my fault?” Katara inched towards Zuko. 

“All I’m  _ saying  _ is, let’s stop pretending like he’s some helpless dolt. He’s smarter than all of us.” Zuko retaliated. 

“I mean… Zuko’s got a point. Sokka’s the most likely of us to be able to defend himself in the spirit world since he already doesn’t rely on bending.” Aang cut in. 

Katara shot a glare at Aang. “Fine. You two go and find him, and Azula, and maybe the next Avatar while you’re at it! And just leave me to keep him alive!”

“Then I guess we’ll go.” Zuko spit and turned on his heel to leave. “Aang.” He barked. 

Aang grabbed Katara’s hand and quietly said something to her. She nodded back gently in response, though her irritation was still very apparent. The two seemed to wordlessly communicate. Something about it was so familiar to Zuko, it pained him to watch. Finally, Aang joined Zuko. 

They reached the clearing in the forest. Lush green and deep browns filled their visions. It was nearly morning, and as the two sat to meditate, Zuko felt the warmth of the sun begin to rise within him, a burning energy radiating his center. Aang fixed his eyes on Zuko, nodding—he could feel it too. The ashy soil of the ground hummed with… with something. Not life, or energy, but existence. Aang produced a flame, and indicated for Zuko to do so as well. He complied, a lick of flame dancing in the palm of his hand.

As he breathed in, his fire seemed to breathe with him, growing with each exhale. In and out, burning and glowing. He matched his fire to Aang’s, and focused on the energy between them. Slowly, their fires crept toward the other, and merged into one, in perfect tandem. They were one. 

A dizziness washed over him and then he was falling. 

  
  


***

It was bright. There was no sickening heat—in fact, there was no heat at all. Neither hot nor cold, just… emptiness. Zuko wondered if he was falling. He couldn’t have been, because he could feel the ground. But his head felt like waves were crashing through it, pulling back and forth.

A voice reached the back of Zuko’s mind. “Zuko? Hey, are you okay?” 

He shot open his eyes to see Aang over him, shaking his shoulder. With a groan, Zuko sat up and searched his surroundings. They were still in the forest, but it was more alive, it buzzed with energy. The colors were brighter, they had a certain glow to them.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just… my head feels… foggy.” Zuko responded. 

Aang turned his head, “Really? That usually doesn’t happen to me. My mind’s always really clear when I reach the spirit world.” 

“Well, you’re the Avatar, so I think that  _ meditation _ stuff comes more easily to you.” Zuko said, rolling his eyes. 

Aang responded with a chuckle, “Maybe. I saw Azula in this direction. Come on.” He reached his hand out and helped Zuko to his feet. 

They began walking through the fluorescent forest. It circled like a maze, nearly impossible to navigate. 

“What am I even gonna say? ‘Hey, Azula. Remember how you hate me? Well, I need your help.’ There’s no way she’ll listen to me!” Zuko groaned. 

“We just need to see if she knows anything about Sokka.” Aang assured him.

“It doesn’t work like that. We need… leverage, something.”

Aang huffed, “Well we don’t have any. All we have is our charisma, so we’ve got to work with that.”

“So we’re going to die.” 

Aang rolled his eyes, “Well, I can’t say  _ exactly _ what’s going to happen, but I don’t think—”

A sudden, disembodied voice sounded, “Mmm… Avatar. How very interesting.” Zuko spun around, seeking the owner of the voice. Before them stood a creature. A frog, it appeared. But it stood on its back legs, like a person, and dwarfed them by at least two feet.

Aang smiled nervously, “...Uhhhh, hi. I’m Aang.” 

The frog chuckled, “I know who  _ you _ are, Avatar”, it bent down, into a more frog-like position. It turned to Zuko, curving over and around him, “I’m curious as to who your friend is.” 

Zuko looked to Aang, who then nodded. Zuko gave a nod back, “I—I’m Zuko.”

The frog gave out a low growl—a kind of humming from his chest, “Fire Nation… interesting. You certainly look it.” It curled its body around Zuko’s, twisting unnaturally, like a snake, “Smell it, too. Like a firebender. A powerful one…”, it suddenly stopped, “ _ Very powerful.  _ You’ve been touched by Ran and Shaw. The Masters.” 

It slunk back into its original shape, concerned, “...I expected this from the Avatar, but not from anyone else... Who are you?” 

“I already told you who I am. Who are  _ you _ ? How do you know these things?” 

A hissing came from the back of its throat, “I am not bound to answer questions asked by the likes of you!” 

“Well, if you have nothing more for us, we need to get going.” Zuko spat. 

“Uh, Zuko! There’s really no need for us to be impolite, I mean...” Aang began. 

“Ah, Zuko. Please do tell. Where are you off to?” 

“It’s none of your business.” Zuko glared. 

“A secret, then?” It raised its brows. 

Aang butt in, “No. It’s not a secret. In fact, we were hoping somebody might be able to help us find our friend. Have you seen a Water Tribesman anywhere? Or any other people?” 

“You want my help? And what do you offer in return?” 

“What do you want? You don’t need money or resources, you can use any of it in the Spirit World.” Aang replied.

It smiled thinly, “There are other things of value. Less  _ material _ things. You’ll just have to come up with something for my help.” 

“But you do have information that will help us? If we can find something to offer you… you’ve seen something?” Aang asked. 

“Yes.” It responded. 

  
“Will you give us a couple minutes?” Aang asked it. 

The Frog responded with a grumble, “If you need. But you’d best hurry. I don’t know if the offer will still be here when you return.” It smiled. 

Zuko and Aang walked a few feet away and began whispering. 

“What even is it? Can it hurt us?” Zuko asked Aang. 

Aang shook his head, “A spirit? I don’t know how powerful it is. I don’t know if it’s just that it’s so… confident, but I don’t want to cross it. Our best bet is probably to trade something it wants.” 

“Agni, I wish Sokka were here. He’d know what to trade. What to do. He always knows how to deal with people. Or, uh… spirits. I guess.”

“He knows how to date them, at least.” Aang deadpanned. Zuko shot him a look to which he brazenly smiled with the corner of his mouth.  _ Taking cheap shots at his friend who’s in mortal danger... it’s what he’d want. _

Zuko took in a deep breath, the kind that goes straight to the chest, tight and sharp. As he breathed out, his surroundings seemed to shake with his breath—vibrating in short spurts. The bright multicolor trees shook with a kind of breeze that cuts through the chest like a knife. It was cold, now. Now freezing, but just enough to make you want the touch of something warmer.

He thought of Sokka. Even though his skin was always cold, there was a hidden warmth underneath it all that pulsed throughout his body. Zuko could always feel it thrumming, even from across the room. He thought of his warm lips. His warm, chapped lips that he had kissed with a hunger he’d never truly felt before.

He wanted that comfort right now. Those eyes, the ones that always held a secret.  _ Wait. A secret _ . Something immaterial, but still valuable. The spirit had perked up at the thought of one. 

“Aang, I think I’ve got something. What if we give it a secret?” Zuko said out loud.

“Hmm… that’s not a bad option. And I can’t seem to think of anything else. Let’s give it a try.” Aang said.

They returned to the spirit. Zuko cleared his throat, “We could give you a secret. Would that be enough for you?” 

It smiled deeply, a smile that was far too wide to be anything close to human. “I think that would do nicely. But it can’t be an ordinary secret. I don’t care about a white lie, or a petty secret. It must be of substance.” 

Aang and Zuko nodded. 

“Very well.” It said.

**Author's Note:**

> K so ik there's a lot of inconsistencies between the ATLA world and this one, but I'm rly focusing on the relationships rather than the world, so if I get stuff wrong, I am very sorry. The boys are OOC for a lot of this but I love them anyways. Thanks for reading!!


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